The 8 Love Links teaches you everything you never learnt about relationships. It gives you a clear path to having the relationship you always dreamed of – one which offers you a partner, a friend, a lover and a safe haven from the perils of life. You will discover theory and strategies for reducing conflict, creating deep connections and growth, and increasing validation, passion and excitement.
Why we created the 8 Love Links
We created The 8 Love Links because we felt increasingly dissatisfied with other approaches to couples therapy. Our clients kept telling us that their prior experience of couples work seemed to lack structure and practical skills. As a result, we started to formulate a more complete couples therapy program, drawing on theory and strategies from many different psychological theories. Our aim was to equip couples with the right skills and strategies so they had a road map for all areas in their relationship. We wanted to equip couples to move on from therapy and thrive in life. In our private practice in Sydney, our calendars filled quickly. Feeling frustrated at not being able to help more couples, we started our mission to create Australia’s first ever couples coaching app, My Love Your Love. We designed the app as a practical guide to help couples as they worked together to unlock the full potential of long-term relationships. Now, we have written The 8 Love Links to provide the theory behind the app, and to help you – individually or as a couple – to dive much more deeply into your relationship. While My Love Your Love is a joint couples journey, you can take The 8 Love Links journey in your own time at any point in your relationship.
Who can benefit from The 8 Love Links?
The 8 Love Links can help you if your relationship is in trouble. Untreated relationship issues can build up over time to create irreparable damage. However, because prevention is better than cure, The 8 Love Links is also for anyone who is in or wants to be in a relationship. It provides a boost to any relationship – sailing or stuck. This means that no matter where you are in your relationship journey – from single to being in a long-term relationship – the time to take The 8 Love Links journey is now.
Why love links?
So you might be wondering what are these 8 love links that we keep mentioning and why links? Each of the eight love links we outline in the book represents a fundamental pillar in long-term relationships. Relationships exist within nuanced cycles that are either negative or positive. In turn, these cycles create negative or positive feedback loops. The love links represent these cycles and feedback loops – they are interconnected and mutually influencing. Improving one link will have a positive impact on other love links. The opposite is also true – a fracture in one link will eventually bleed into other links, changing the overall tone of your relationship. The 8 Love Links is a holistic, multifactorial and practical guide to a thriving relationship.
The 8 Love Links explained
In the eight chapters of the book, each love link is laid out in a specific order, and each is important. As you progress through the book, you will discover which of your love links are solid and which ones are weak. Here’s a bite-sized introduction to each of the love links to whet your appetite for discovery and growth:
- Me in We love link: The first step to change is insight. You can’t change what you cannot see. While some people are more self-aware than others, we all have behaviours and patterns that we are blind to. Coming to terms with and shining light on new insights into your personality isn’t easy, and can invoke vulnerability. However, it is this discomfort that leads to change and increased self-esteem. This love link is all about developing your personal power through self-reflection and accountability.
- Couples Base Camp love link: This love link focuses in on your attachment and relationship styles, and how they influence how secure you feel in your relationships – and how they can change over time depending on your relationship. In general, couples who have a rocky foundation or a vague concept of boundaries in their relationship are more likely to experience personal and couple attachment distress. The Couples Base Camp link is your guide to setting agreed underlying foundations and flexible principles for your relationship so you can have a greater sense of trust and safety to be your authentic self.
- Magic Moments love link: Small moments are powerful and are occurring all the time between you and your partner. If the sum of your small moments is positive, you will have a good relationship. However, the opposite is also true. If your daily interactions are too negative or neutral, they will compound and lead to disconnection. In the magic moments love link, we outline how to create a habit of small magic moments that can compound to bring more joy into your relationship.
- Feeling the Story love link: Humans need to feel understood, seen and heard. They need validation. This is a basic human need. People tend to overestimate how good they are at listening and validating their partners, perhaps because they are good at this skill at work, or with other family members and friends. In this love link, we dive into how to attune to and validate your partner while improving your emotional intelligence and ability to recognise, understand and navigate your own emotions.
- Conflict Compass love link: We’re sure it will not be news to you that one of the biggest reasons relationships fail is conflict. Conflict is complicated and we are not going to pretend otherwise. The good news is, however, that you can learn to navigate conflict. Conflict is inevitable and can be a positive tension point to ensure continued growth for both of you in your relationship. So strap yourself in, because you are about to learn mind-blowing insights and strategies that will change the way you look at yourself and your relationship forever. In Conflict Compass chapter, we share the secrets and strategies we have learnt over decades of clinical practice to help you break negative patterns and instill new healthy strategies to bring more harmony and less stress to your relationship.
- Deep Connections love link: This love link explores the necessary bonds and couples growth that is required to build a lasting relationship across the lifespan. We are sure you have heard that it is important to have quality time with your partner. But how exactly do you do this? And what are the obstacles and patterns of behaviour that either block or promote deep connections? In this love link, we provide pragmatic strategies to bring a closeness to your relationship. This can increase the value of your relationship, bringing security and companionship as you move through the journey of life and love together.
- Baggage Claim love link: In this love link, we help you go deep within yourself to understand your vulnerabilities. It might get uncomfortable, but it will be worth it. Each partner brings to the relationship their own vulnerabilities and insecurities. As these emerge within the relationship context, they cause tension and disconnection. The way forward for self-healing is together-healing. Through following the strategies in the baggage claim chapter, you can learn insights into the vulnerabilities of you and your partner. You can also learn how to name these vulnerabilities and strategies to heal them together, fostering trust and care.
- Sex and Desire love link: This love link is an invitation to embark on a journey of self-discovery and mutual exploration as sexual partners. This eighth love link is about increasing sex and desire in your relationship. We outline ways to reignite the flames of desire and break unhelpful dynamics and myths that can stifle your sex life. We shine a light on your sexual connection and its evolution throughout your relationship. We explore the interplay of emotions and sexual intimacy, and examine how attraction, communication and relationship connection form a foundation for a fulfilling and lasting sexual connection.
Working through The 8 Love Links, you will learn as much about yourself as you will about your relationship. This book can help you identify unhelpful relationship cycles and traps you may be in. It can teach you how to identify your problem areas and provide you with strategies to create positive relationship habits. Further, you will learn the secrets to strengthening each of the eight love links, bringing more validation, closer bonds, less conflict, and more excitement and passion to your relationship.
Where can I get this book?
If you are chomping at the bit to get your hands on this relationship AND life changing book, then head to our website www.8lovelinks.com or www.myloveyourlove.com to order now. You can also order it on Amazon and find it in any reputable bookstore.
