Have you ever asked yourself or perhaps Dr Google “How do I fix a broken relationship?” If so, you aren’t alone. When your relationship is strained or drained, it can leave you feeling hopeless and helpless. Broken relationships steal our energy and crush our sense of self. Here are my top 5 tips to answer your question “How do I fix a broken relationship” and get your relationship out of the red and back in the black.
1. The first thing you must do to fix a broken relationship is to acknowledge there is a problem. The biggest relationship killer is avoidance. So the first thing that needs to happen is… stop avoiding. This could simply be avoiding the fact that your relationship isn’t quite right, or perhaps you aren’t expressing your true feelings, or avoiding spending time with your partner. When you question “How do I fix a broken relationship?” the most important thing to do is face what is right in front of you and move towards it. If you’ve relied on avoidance as a way of coping or to manage conflict, then giving it up will be challenging and uncomfortable. But nothing can change until avoidance is addressed and you accept that there is a problem.
2. You must reflect on your role in the “broken relationship”. It’s best to do this before you even speak to your partner about your concerns for the relationship. Focusing on how you are contributing to negative relationship dynamics does a number of helpful things. Firstly, it’s the truth. We all contribute to both negative and positive cycles in relationships. No-one is fully innocent when there is a neglected relationship at hand. Acknowledging your role will also open up productive conversations when you finally speak to your partner. If you go in guns blazing about your partner’s failings, it will only lead to further conflict and alienation. And finally, taking responsibility for your part will allow you to have some agency moving forward. We are only capable of changing our own behaviours, so focusing on that is both liberating and effective.
3. The next thing to do to fix a broken relationship is ask yourself if this is a relationship you want to fix? Not everything broken needs to be fixed. Sometimes, the broken parts are too splintered to piece back together. And although sad and painful, it’s sometimes better to accept this and move on – for both your sakes. However, you must really reflect on whether you want this relationship to be mended. Ask yourself, is the relationship bigger than all the frustrations and issues? Will your life be much better if you stay in this relationship than if you were to be single? Will the same issues you are experiencing just follow you into the next relationship? We can be quick to discard things when they don’t automatically work the way we want them to, but sometimes that means we lose something that just needed a little TLC to thrive once again.
4. If you’ve decided that you want this relationship to work, then…. get help! Don’t do it on your own. There are so many amazing resources out there to help you create relationship success. Information is great but it can also be overwhelming. Who do you trust? It’s a big question “How do I fix a broken relationship?”, therefore you want advice that has been tried and tested and that makes sense and is accessible. A good place to start is seeing an experienced couples therapist. But if you or your partner aren’t ready for that, try the couples coaching app, My Love Your Love. You can do this with your partner in the privacy of your own home with no third party involved. This can be a more approachable way to bring you and your partner back together. But if your partner is dragging their feet to even using an app, then get your hands on the book The 8 Love Links. This insightful and practical tool can be used as a solo journey to mend a broken relationship or be shared together. It is packed full of teachings from the learnings we’ve made from working with hundreds of couples.
5. Do the work! Relationships are a bit like cars. We have the tendency to rely on them everyday, yet often take them for granted. They get a bit dinged up here and there, and can accumulate any number of food wrappings and lost items. We choose the cheap petrol to fuel them with, and when their oil gets low we keep driving, pushing it out as long as possible. We just want our cars to work and when they don’t it’s a massive imposition. Just like a car needs to be taken care of and serviced regularly to get the best out of it, so do our relationships. Leaving relationship issues unattended, not giving it healthy fuel through positive and intentional action, failing to listen and validate each other and avoiding your sexual connection will only lead to a broken relationship. But with time, effort and care, any broken relationship can be fixed.
If you’re questioning “How do I fix a broken relationship” then you need to take action now. Continuing to ponder or procrastinate will take you in one direction only – relationship destruction. But don’t fear, if you follow these steps you will be well on your way to improving your relationship and creating something you can be satisfied with and proud of.
Until next time,
Helen
